June 10, 2010

Anatomy of a Chinese Wedding

Main Characters: Bff of Bride: Jack; Bride: Cherry; Groom: Norton; Waiguoren (foreigner) Bridesmaids: Robin & M'Lynn; Chinese Bridesmaids: Catherine & An Jing

6:15 am: Wake up early. Gotta look pretty. Electrocuted by curling iron. Chug coffee. Scarf toast. Grab Corbin. Out the door.

7:30 am: In Jack’s Car. Robin’s pretty, too! To Bride’s parents’ apartment.

7:45 am: Up 5 flights. Meet the parents. Bride in the bedroom. Photos with Corbin. Photos with everyone. Jack guards the door. Groom and company knock. Bribe their way in. MC guy gives the cues. Groom answers riddles. Groom gets Bride. “Mei, Mei! Let’s go!” Gotta find red shoes. Finds shoes. Groom puts on Bride’s shoes. Coins on the bed. Groom stuffs pockets. Bride grabs coins. More photos. Parents come in. Leave the room. Deng yi hua’er (wait a minute). Time to go. Parade down stairs. Loud music. Black car with flowers. Confetti. More photos.

8:30 am: Back in Jack’s car. Drive to the Restaurant.

8:45 am: At the Restaurant. Tons of tables. Tons of people. Find a table. Too close to speakers! Jeremy arrives with Kanyon. Kanyon wears angel wings. Olivia hates angel wings. Andy holds Corbin. Loud music scares Kanyon. Corbin screaming. Ditch ring-bearer idea. Kanyon back at our table. Corbin passes out. Bride & Groom’s grand entrance. Loud, loud music. MC guy shuo lots’o hua (talked a lot). Bride & Groom on stage. Fireworks. Waiters bring food. Waiters bring more food. Red box of liquor. Two boxes of cigs. Candy for the kids. Waiters bring more food. Holding baby, can’t eat. Photos. Toasts. More photos. Corbin poops.

10:00 am: Go to bride’s room. Change a diaper. Kidnapped by hairdresser. Curls now in French braid. Make-up. Where’s M’Lynn? Jeremy & Kanyon & Andy on a bus. Robin with Jack. Where’s M’Lynn? Feed Corbin. Call Jeremy. Steve finds M’Lynn.

10:40 am: In Catherine’s car. An Jing rides shotgun. Find the Church.

11:00 am: Bridesmaid time. Put on strapless blue prom dress. Won’t zip. Switch dresses. Hairdresser braids Robin’s hair. Make-up. Change a diaper. Showtime.

11:30 am: Walk down the aisle. Pass Corbin to Nona. Smile. More photos. Here comes the Bride. Vows. Choir sings. Preacher lady preaches. Pray ba. Married. Walk back down the aisle. More photos. Give Groom Red Envelope.

1:00 pm: Wedding party walks to park. More photos. Bride changes dresses. Feed Corbin. Still wearing prom dress. More photos. Jeremy & Kanyon go home. More photos. On-lookers look. Eat frozen soybean pop. More photos. Bride changes dresses. More photos. Group photo. No more prom dress. Done.

3:00 pm: Invited to Dinner. Tired. Decline invitation. In Jack’s car. Front door service. Back home. Kanyon asleep. Eat PBJ & Banana. Corbin naps. Breathe.

4:00 pm: Todd knocks. Bride wants dinner guests. Get kids ready. Out the door again. Doufu restaurant close to home. In the basement. Tiny room. Hot! Corbin sweats. Corbin cries. More food. Soymilk?! Holding baby, can’t eat. Fun with friends.

7:00 pm: Back home. The End.

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